I'm on the cusp of starting a new job [literally, my first day will be tomorrow!] and had my last day at my previous job on Friday. As last days go, it was rather run of the mill, except for one thing...
Here's a break down of my last day at Fenlex.
8:20am - Enter office, call out a cheerful good morning to my floormates, turn on pc and make tea.
8:30am till 12:30pm - Begin the mad dash of every last day in existence, work to finish everything that's still pending. Answer emails quickly, exchange contact details with friends.
12:30pm - Rush up to 4th floor like a mad woman to say goodbye to a friend before she leaves the building. Rush up to 5th floor because said friend isn't on 4th. Hurry back down to my office on 2nd floor to see where exactly she is, because 5th floor had a distinct lack of her. Hurry down to 1st floor to get the lift to the ground floor, take time in the lift to compose myself in case clients or company partners are around [tuck flyaway hair into place, adjust top, hitch trousers up to where they're supposed to be, find a suitable smile, try to breath like I haven't just run up and down 3 flights of stairs], and make my way to sub-zero to find my friend.
12:30pm till 12:35pm - Find friend. Hug friend. Get into conversation with friend and her officemates. Hug friend again. Say goodbyes, get wished luck, hug friend a third time.
12:36pm till 1:00pm - Back at pc, work, shift uncomfortably as hunger demon gets cracking on the latest assault on my stomach.
1:00pm - 1:30pm - Continue working while hunger pangs reach painful levels. Think and mutter 'Where the hell is that pizza?' every few minutes.
1:30pm till 2:00pm - Scarf down pizza and sigh contentedly.
2:00pm till 4:30pm - Continue working to finish. Lament eating too much too quickly. Work one-handed while rubbing obscenely full belly with the other hand. Astonish best friend Hannah with a bass-filled burp that escapes before I can cover my mouth or leave the room. Spend a minute laughing at her wide-eyed expression and the unlikely sound, continue working to finish.
4:30pm - Realise there's no way I'll finish by 5pm. Doggedly decide to stay till 6:30pm if that's what it takes. 'Dammit, I will not leave without finishing!'
4:50pm - Admit defeat on last task. Pack up file and papers, grab notebook and pen, head upstairs for final file review meeting with supervisor Claudia.
4:51pm till 5:45pm - Climb the stairs to 4th floor for the last time. Pull up a chair next to Claudia. Get up to collect the files from various shelves and cupboards on 4th floor. Sit down next to Claudia. Get up to pick up papers from printer. Sit. Begin meeting. All goes reasonably well. Get side-tracked for a few minutes, continue meeting.
5:45pm till 5:55pm - Meeting ends. Get a hug from Claudia and the funniest expression of good-luck-but-please-come-back-some-day' I've ever heard. Put all files away for the last time. Leave goodbye note on another friend's desk. Think how quiet the office is with only Claudia in. Head back downstairs.
5:56pm till 6:30pm - Put desk in order. Write a handover email for Hannah, ask her not to miss me too much. Turn off pc, lights, printer, turn on alarm, close the door, turn off lights and board the lift.
6:30pm - Hear voices saying 'Ejjew ha mmorru' [Translation: Come on, let's go!'], hear silence as electric current nearby is switched off. Lift stops between 1st and ground floor. Call out for help to the disembodied voices on ground floor. No-one hears. Realise I'm stuck in the lift.
'Bwahahaha! I get stuck in the lift on my last day when everyone's left. This is hilarious! What are the odds? Hahahah!', thinks me, along with 'Gosh it's hot in here, and airless.'
Uh-oh...
'Shit. Wait. Don't lifts run out of air when they're switched off? Isn't that why they're so noisy when they're running, 'cos the air is pumped in? What if I run out of air before someone finds me?' Panic is trying to set in.
'NO! No panicking. Oh I wish I still carried my anxiety meds. Why did I take them out anyway? DAMMIT! No, no, don't panic. Think Mar, think!'
'I'll call Claudia!' Hunt through mobile phone's contacts for Claudia. Dismayed as Check Balance skips to Corinne.
'Fuck. Ok, don't panic. Call Hannah! She's still in Valletta, and Claudia won't have gone far!' Find Hannah's number, call, listen to the rings until voicemail comes on.
'BUGFUCK. Ok. Whose number do I have? Adrian! Rhona!' Hunt for Adrian's number, no joy, move on to Rhona's number, descend significantly into panic and feel lungs ready to hyperventilate.
'... What do I do? What do I do?! Who else can I call???' Find Luisana's number, call, try not to cry when it rings until voicemail.
'*mental sob* I'm going to spend the weekend here.' Try Hannah again. Still no answer. Run out of swear words, run into depths of hysteria.
'HAHAHAHAH! Oh my god this is so HILARIOUS! HAHAHAHA I'm stuck in a LIFT! I'm sleeping here tonight! HAHAHAHAH!' Some dregs of sanity suggest I call Luisana again, and again no luck. Begin to be annoyed. Also start imagining spending the weekend sleeping on the floor of the lift and having to start my new job in the same clothes.
'Seriously, what's the point in having a mobile phone if you don't answer it?! Yeesh!' Try Hannah, and still no answer. Realise my phone's battery is very, very low. Shift brain cells into overdrive and scan through my contacts for someone, anyone, who can help me. Cue epiphany.
'DAVINIA! Hannah's with Davinia! YES!' Call Dav. 'Hello?' 'DAV! HI! Is Hannah with you???' 'Hi Macs! Yes she is.' 'Ok, tell her I am STUCK in the LIFT at WORK, tell her to CALL CLAUDIA.' 'What? Shall I pass you on to Hannah?' Try not to scream in frustration. 'Yes please!' Hear shuffling sounds. 'Hallo?' 'HANNAH! I'm stuck in the lift at work! Call Claudia!' 'I don't have her number!' 'Yes yes, it's in the phone I lent you!' 'Oh ok! Alright, I'll call Claudia and get back to you.' 'Great! Thanks! Bye!'
Sigh with relief, let panic ebb away slightly. Hear Claudia's voice from 4th floor. My phone rings.
'Hi Han,' 'Hey listen, she said she's at work too. What's the problem?' 'What - ? I'M STUCK IN THE LIFT. THE LIFT STOPPED WITH ME IN IT.' 'Ooooh! OH! I thought you said you were stuck at work! I'll call her again.' 'THANK YOU.' By this point I've broken into a sweat and can't look at myself in the mirror. I'm sure my reflection is mocking me.
I hear Claudia's voice again, and her laugh. 'Oh yes, it's amusing, I know,' I smirk to myself, and think once again of the irony of getting stuck in the lift on my last day when the office is abandoned. 'Thank the gods for Claudia working late.' I hear footsteps and the loud switch of electricity buzzing. The lift moves and I watch the LED go through 1, 3 and 4. I wait with baited breath as it comes to a stop and the doors open. Claudia is waiting and I swear I could bearhug her and fall down and weep with relief.
'CLAUDIA! THANK YOU! MY SAVIOUR! I thought I would spend the weekend in there! THANK YOU!' I gasp, while she smiles and laughs, and says 'Miskina!' [Translation: poor thing!].
'Issa I don't know what you prefer, you can take the lift and it should open on 1st floor, suppost. I don't know if you want to try it though,' she smiles.
'NO! No, thank you, but I can only suppress a panic attack for so long and I really, really don't want to risk it again. Can I take the stairs?'
'Haha miskina, I don't blame you! Yes of course!'
So I make it down the stairs, out the door and into the sunlight. Somehow it feels like it should be a moonlit night and deserted, instead there are people thronging the main street of the city two corners up the road. I sigh with tremendous relief and grin. 'Well, that's one way to leave a job I guess.'
And there you have it folks, my last day at Fenlex ending with just a little bit of drama. I had a good giggle about it afterwards!
Sincerely,
Macs
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