Feminism. It's an ugly word isn't it? Upon hearing or reading it, a plethora of images come to mind: angry women, men-haters, bra-burning, butch lesbians, machismo-rich men, women-haters, men beating up women, men sneering at women, men 'putting women in their place', 'make me a sandwich' jokes, 'get in the kitchen' jokes, most of the jobs at the top all over the world occupied by men, women at the top being viewed as power-hungry bitches whose careers are their pride and joy [tantamount to sacrificing an infant on an altar to Satan while laughing with glee], women who are anti-family, women who are anti-children, hippies, underarm hair, leg hair, protests, heated discussions in all forms of media, women with pretty nails and pretty hair saying 'oh no, I'm not a feminist' or 'I hate feminism', women with pretty nails and pretty hair saying 'I'm a feminist', men standing up for women, women's rights,
and the list goes on and on and on. It's endless, and most of the images aren't positive - whether they're in favour of or against feminism.
So many people don't understand why feminism is important, why it is still needed today, why it will always be needed, and why the name should be done away with and the whole concept called something else.
The truth about feminism is this: it's not about women. It's about men. It's about everyone. In fact, if a completely new gender showed up, it'd be about people of that gender too. It's about straight people, gay people, bisexual people, transgender people, asexual people. It's about mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, colleagues, enemies. It's about
everyone.
What do you mean it's about everyone Macs?! It's
feminism, read the
name - F E M I N I S M. That's got to be about female, feminine, women, girls, and all that jazz, so why are you going on about all that stuff you just rattled off in the paragraph above this? Bitch you CRAZY.
Alright, I'll bite that bit of baiting. Feminism is usually about sticking up for females, agreed. But tell me, what will happen if all the females in the world were wiped out? Mass extinction, that's what, because we're half of all populations [I'm not just talking human, people], a hell-ton of grieving from all the males whose beloved females of all relations were gone, economic meltdown because hey women are part of the workforce, and the destruction of life on the planet. So clearly, sticking up for females is
a good thing.
Guess what though:
the same thing would happen if all males magically disappeared at one go. And no, the survival-due-to-pregnant-females clause won't work here, because all male unborn offspring
would be gone too.
BALANCE, PEOPLE! That's what I'm talking about here! Without one gender or the other, no species can survive for long. Why would anyone want either gender to be 'better' than the other? Clearly both are necessary, so why screw the species? This means that all parts that make up a population need to be looked after, cared for, and appreciated. [Note: this same argument explains why racism - and racialism, don't think I don't know that loophole - is stupid]
This of course explains why feminism needs to be, at the very least, rebranded. And this is happening, don't think it isn't. One of the things a feminist doesn't have to be is female.
What makes you a feminist? That's an easy one. If you believe that people should be treated with respect, regardless of gender, you're a feminist. If you believe domestic violence is wrong, you're a feminist - because most victims are female. If you believe men and boys who wolf whistle, catcall, holler at, cajole, and leer at women and girls walking down a street are disrespectful, you're a feminist. If you believe women are not just meant to be mothers, you're a feminist. If you believe women and men have the same capacity for intelligence, you're a feminist. If you believe that when a woman or girl says no, she means no
and you should back off, you're a feminist. If you believe you would want to beat 10 kinds of hell into anyone who physically hurts your sister/daughter/mother/cousin/aunt/grandmother/friend/colleague or any female, you're a feminist. If you believe girls and women should have the same education as boys and men, and be given the same opportunities for education, you're a feminist - because, newsflash, this doesn't happen everywhere. If you believe it's wrong to abort a pregnancy because the gender of the foetus is female, you're a feminist.
Why didn't I say anything specifically about men up there? Because the sad truth is that
still, in
this day and age, women are still holding the short straw, when there shouldn't
be a short straw, and worst of all
when we are all fooled into thinking that gender discrimination is a thing of the past. Women can vote, women can own property, women can go to school and university, women can work, woman can work while having a family, woman can provide for themselves... women can, same as men. What women
can't, involves a bunch of things that unfortunately aren't as obviously wrong. Women can't wear short skirts without being taken for sluts; women can't wear tight clothing without being taken for sluts; women can't wear low-cut tops and dresses without being taken for sluts; women can't wear nailpolish without being taken for bimbos [yes, I'm using that old word] or sluts; women can't wear make-up without being taken for bimbos or sluts; women can't go around without make-up and be taken for
real women [and I cannot stress enough how MORONIC this is]; women can't have very short hair without being taken for lesbians or anti-men [again, MORONIC]; women can't have long hair without being taken for airheads [-_-]; women can't have a family and work without half the people around them thinking they're selfish; women can't talk to men in social situations without giving the wrong idea to many of them; women can't tell even their loved ones, let alone police, that they've been raped because
they'll be accused of lying or of instigating it [as if that
absolves the rapist]; women can't reject someone's advances and have that person subsequently not try harder;
and again, a hell-ton of other things that women can't do without being thought of as inferior, not taken seriously, brushed off, taken advantage of, given a hard time, and so on.
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So now I'll go on to some experiences of my own as a woman living in an anti-women world.
- I gained weight about 6 months ago, and haven't felt comfortable enough to wear strappy tops and short skirts. Since I stopped wearing clothes that show more skin than arms, shoulders and legs, I no longer get reactions from men when I'm walking.
When I show less skin, I am not viewed and treated as a piece of steak they want to sink their teeth into. I have thus found a way to become effectively invisible to men, both when walking and when out in clubs. And let me be clear: I have a pretty face, very big boobs, a big ass, hips, I wiggle when I walk, and a friendly smile. Tally that up, and even with the big thighs, occasional spots, and curly hair that seems to be a turn-off in my country, I'm attractive [remember this blog is about sincerity; if I were boasting I'd have said something like 'gorgeous']. Even so, I'm ignored
because I'm not showing skin. While I enjoy the invisibility this gives me [sitting on my own in my favourite bar sipping a drink and enjoying the music without being annoyed is brilliant], I deplore the implications for the society I live in.
- Whenever I have worn anything showing even the slightest bit of cleavage, or short skirts, I have endured men's eyes following my until I was out of sight, calls of 'aw SABIHA' [equivalent to 'hey gorgeous'; female brain decipher: 'hey meat-I'd-like-to-ram-with-my-dick'; other male brain decipher: 'hey sexy, wow you're hot'], 'aw SEX', 'PSST', 'ejja ha nkellmek' ['come here let me talk to you'; female brain deciphering: 'come here let me stare, cop a feel, and proposition you for sex'; other male brain decipher: 'come here let me try to chat you up while I admire how attractive you are].
- In a group of men and women, all aged in their 20s, all supposed to be friends, one so-called friend still interpreted my talking to him as being interested in him - and I wasn't flirting in even the remotest way.
- Young women often deplore their singledom and say that 'at this rate, I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady'. You will never hear a young man saying anything negative about ending his days single. From this I conclude: a single woman is to be pitied for having a wasted life, a single man is to be toasted for having enjoyed life. Many of the single women I know are happy, vivacious, busy, have several hobbies, travel, and are easily the people I know who most enjoy their lives. The crazy cat ladies I know are not single, were crazy before they got the cats, and have cats not because of a lack of human loved ones but because
humans aren't fuzzy, can't purr, and talk back when you don't want them to.
- About half the girls I went to school with are already married at 26, quite a few with children.
Half, folks,
half. Many of them were girls who wanted to be doctors, lawyers, successful psychologists, business women; yet very few of them are both married/married with kids/mothers and on the path to their dream career.
- 3 women I count among my closest friends were raped, and not by strangers; 1 woman was almost raped; 2 women I know had boyfriends who hit them, and 1 of these women has a scar on her leg where one boyfriend cut her with a knife while he threatened to kill her; almost all my straight female friends
and acquaintances have had psychologically and/or verbally abusive boyfriends at some point in time; I had a psychologically abusive boyfriend; and the pathetic fact is that the number of women on this list will only grow as I get older. Even more pathetic?
This is the status quo.
- There are very few women in local politics, and most [if not all] of them are past 40, while younger and younger men are getting involved in local politics.
- In local media, when a rape case not involving relatives is reported, the comments section is full of victim-blaming. 'She must have done something', 'She was teasing them, what did she expect', 'She's lying', 'She didn't report it right away so it must have been consensual', 'What was she wearing?'. I am ashamed to say my country is part of the European Union, and that my fellow Maltese think they are up-to-date, civilised, and come from a first world country.
- In local media, when a rape case is reported, the word 'raped' is replaced by the word 'defiled'.
- A local woman spoke at a domestic violence conference about one of her experiences with the police in Malta. She had separated from her husband, who used to beat her horribly, and one night she was woken to shouts from said husband outside. He was holding a shotgun, trying to break the door down, and shouted repeatedly that if he got inside he would kill her. When she called the police, they told her she had to go down to the station to file a report, and then hung up. And no, one of the mobile squads did not show up at any point during the night to at least check on the situation.
- I have given up on talking to my male friends about feminism, women's rights, and domestic violence. The reaction is always a variation of 'Oh come off it, you have the right to vote don't you? You're making a fuss and hating on men'. This leaves me speechless, flabbergasted, and disillusioned.
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And there you have it. The post that I've been wanting to write all summer, but avoiding at the same time. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Sincerely,
Macs
